What do you “have to have” in your relationships? Yes, those absolute, non-negotiable essentials you must have in order for a relationship to even have a possibility of working for you? What are they? The good news is that when you settle for nothing less than these essentials, you’ll find your core relational needs are met. The problem, however, is that too many times in our current culture, people have become used to settling for less.
This outcome, as I see it, goes back to the fact that most people don’t know what they really want in a relationship. Yes, they may have a vague or general idea, but they don’t take the time to really get both clear and specific. The flip-side is that when you know what you definitely want, and aren’t willing to accept anything less, then you’re far more likely to find a relationship that will be both lasting and fulfilling.
What I’m referring to here are your deal-makers and deal-breakers. Let’s look more closely…
Your deal-makers are the non-negotiable essentials and components in your life – THE requirements you have to have. Think about what it is that you must have in all areas of your life (i.e.: relationships, friends, romances, work, finances and home). It’s worth the time and thought you put into establishing these criteria because you’ll then know the specific goals (targets) and parameters (gauges) to guide your life.
But let’s be specific and focus only on relationships for now. Let’s say that a healthy lifestyle is on your list of deal-maker behaviors for your life partnership.
So you meet someone who has the looks and charm of Brad Pitt, the intelligence of Albert Einstein, the spirituality of Gandhi, and the money of Bill Gates, but he drinks excessively and has no desire to do any physical exercise.
In spite of all these attractive qualities, if you’ve carefully considered and compiled your deal-maker list, you’d never get involved, because that one crucial deal-maker of yours is unmet. When you know what these essentials are, and you make sure they’re fulfilled, you’ll find yourself feeling more satisfied in your relationships (and in all areas of your life).
It’s important for you to accept nothing less than these deal-makers, because these are absolute and non-negotiable boundaries.
And then there are the deal-breakers. These are the dynamics, characteristics and components which are absolutely not acceptable. Just like the deal-makers, there is no negotiation. You absolutely, positively will not accept these into your life under any circumstances EVER!
Let’s assume smoking is a deal-breaker. You meet an otherwise awesome guy who smokes, thus creating an automatic deal-breaker. No conversation, no negotiation, no second thoughts. You stick to your absolutes because you know what you absolutely have to have and what you absolutely will not accept.
If you don’t have a clear concept of what you absolutely, positively have to have in your relationships and what you’ll never ever accept in your relationships, you’ll most likely unnecessarily and destructively settle for less than what you really want, need, desire and deserve to have.
Without understanding and practicing this one dynamic, your relationships are likely to be doomed and you’re likely to miss out on a happy and fulfilled True Life.
Take the time to reflect on this and then write down your deal-makers and deal-breakers. Share your list with people you’re closet to (your inner circle) and ask them to help hold you accountable. Stick to your list and you’ll be well on your way to an amazing relationship…and an amazing life!
Read more from Ken Donaldson here.
And Marry YourSelf First every day in every way!
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